The Society for Unraveling the Eyeless Blonde Conspiracy

READERS' EXPLANATIONS (Possible explanations supplied by readers of this webpage)

We have compiled a list of possible explanations as supplied by our readers. These explanations will be futher researched in the future to determine if they are valid, or just so much inane ramblings thought up while sniffing household cleansers.

Incidentally, we had some problem with our email recently, which is why your submission may not appear on here. We suspect that anti-SUSBEC forces were conspiring with Microsoft Outlook to suck up the truth when we normally read our email with PINE. Feel free to resubmit your explanation if it does not appear here. (Also, if you would rather your explanation or your email not to appear here, please let us know and we will remove it).

Explanation #1

From: "Sandra Kallander"
Sent: Wednesday, December 22, 1999 1:21 PM

 Obviously, there must be a connection to the amount of pigment and/or
 melatonin these susbects have.  The light complexion probably indicates
 that their eyes are also sensitive to UV and UVB radiation.  Whether
 this is genetic, genetically engineered or a function of their
 construction, I don't know (maybe all three).  To support or disprove
 this theory, somebody should find out whether they make higher than
 usual purchases of sunscreen.  Of course, once these subsects achieve
 any level of "cool" others around them may well emulate their style of
 dress, including sunglasses, as a sign of admiration regardless of
 whether they, themselves, are light-complected.
 Low levels of skin pigmentation aids in the production of Vitamin D. 
 This indicates that they may come from regions with very little sunlight
 , possibly from computer labs or underground secret facility.
 Humbly submitted by
 Sandra Kallander

Explanation #2

From: "Stephen Cole"
Sent: Saturday, December 11, 1999 1:22 PM
       They all have connections to mighty powers capable of possibly
 destroying the world. And they have left no nook overlooked, for they have
 agents in both the realms of science and the arcane! Slowly the will spread
 further and further until they are everywhere and then they will strike and
 take over the world. Unless they already have, and are in place to stop the
 public from discovering their secret. Kind of like the Illuminati. And I
 would like to take this time to point out that the 'B' and the 'E' are
 backwards in the acronym. And my explanation for Fooker & Co. is that
 perhaps they are all blind and Fooker has bestowed upon them Extra-Sensory
 Powers allowing them to know what is happening around them.


Explanation #3

From: Joel 
Sent: Monday, December 27, 1999 11:23 AM
Possible theory:
Albinos have blonde hair and pink eyes maybe they're covering their eyes so
they will not be mistaken for pinko communist and get black balled.

Explanation #3

From: Skeksis 

Explanation #3

From: Earl S. Garber
Sent: Wednesday, January 26, 2000

Ed. Note: Proof that some people spend their whole day looking for
"conspiracy" on search engines?

Some of them (most noticeably the ubiquitous Dil-dude) are also mouthless. Almost all are toothless, and some also have severe alopecia and numerous physical deformities, not to mention their severely impaired mental states. Why? Over the years, there have been numerous chemical additions to cartoonists' ink, including (but not limited to) steroids, growth hormones, fertilizers, LSD, tachyon particles, Viagra, biogenic matter, and tofu. This primordial seasoning confers untold mutations upon its victims, as witnessed by the de- evolution of cartoon characters; the shrinking of Charlie Brown's head, the shortening of Dilbert's (and the growth of his co-workers' hair), the unprecedented weight gain of Garfield, Sarge's uncontrollable 'roid rage, and the preservatives' effect on their severly reduced rate of aging. The long-term prognosis? If Minnesota is any indication with its mutated frogs and Jesse Ventura, this is a symptom of a much bigger problem which has manifested itself, and will continue to do so, all across the nation. To prove my hypothesis, try drawing a frog. Does the result look mutated? I think it does. Earl S. Garber

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