Nukees QUACs

(Questions Uncommonly Asked Currently)

Everyone seems to make "FAQs" on their site of "Frequently Asked Questions." But then I look at those FAQs and think, "Are these all questions that are really frequently asked?" Most of them seem to be made-up lists of stuff that the author feels people might want to know. A lot of pages seem to start off with a FAQ page on the first day. How can they be frequently asked if the page is new?

Anyway, no one ever asks me anything, so this is my "Questions Uncommonly Asked Currently" page, or QUAC. I have a feeling your FAQs are QUACs, too.

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What does "Nukees" mean?

Actually, this question has been asked two or three times. I don't really think that counts as "frequent," though, do you? I'll make a FAQ if you think two or three times is frequent.

"Nuke E" is short for "Nuclear Engineering." Nuclear Engineering is "officially" abbreviated "N.E.," but in practice, we all say "Nuke E" to clarify, since most people (engineers, even) never know what the "N" stands for. Therefore, "Nukees" refer to Nuclear Engineers, which most of the characters in the "Nukees" comic strip are. I'm not sure if I coined the term or not, but I don't think it was used to refer to the engineers themselves until I started the comic strip. I would be interested to hear if other Nuclear Engineers refer to themselves as "Nukees," whether before seeing my strip, or especially if they do now because of my strip.

Are you single? I ask because I ordered too much whipped cream.

Where are you going with this? Anyway, I am, in fact, single at this time. It has been brought to my attention that this is a horrible way for a cartoonist to live. For some reason, all sucessful cartoonists are married. I think it's because we all make crap for pay and need to leech off of someone else. Frankly, I couldn't see someone wanting to live with a guy who spends all his free time behind a drawing table, but whatever floats your liver... Anyway, I can see where there's a certain necessity, when you're agonizing at three in the morning, wondering how you ever convinced anyone you could draw in the first place, where a life partner might come in handy. Apparently, I'm supposed to own a cat, too, according to the profile, but I'm allergic.

So, uh... What's your type, then?

Are you sure these are legitimate questions? Well, if you must know, I like 'em rich, with huge breasts, non-existant waists, and mind-numbingly stupid...

Actually, all I want right now is for someone to surprise me. When I was in Amsterdam, I was walking through the red light district and one of the hookers patted me on the head and said, "Hi blondie!" I actually have a rather full mane of dark blue atop my noggin. I am painstakingly familiar with three questions:

  • How do you get your hair that color?
  • What color is that?
  • Why blue?

Along with the infernally stupid statement, "Hey, you have blue hair!", these are about the stupidest things I've ever heard, and I hear all three of them on a daily basis. To tell you the truth, that prostitute who said, "Hi blondie" said the most clever thing I'd heard of in months, and that was damn sexy. It didn't hurt that she was in a bikini. No, I didn't have sex with her. You didn't get the point of this story at all, did you?

You have blue hair?

*sigh*. Yes, it's blue and it's been that way for about three years now and I plan to keep it this way forever. If you must gawk, here's a photo.

How do you get your hair that color?

What are you, a moron?! How does anyone get their hair any color? It's called BLEACH AND HAIR DYE PEOPLE! THINK, THEN SPEAK!

What color is that?

BLUE!!! Okay, the specifics are "Atlantic Blue," but really, how is this information actually of any worth to you, whatsoever?

Why blue?

Bite me.

Your Unquestioned Leader
Are these real people?

Finally, a real question! The truth is, many of the characters in Nukees are based on real people I know, right down to their names. This has been a bit of a problem when you consider that some of the characters have developed personalities of their own that do not match their real-life counterparts. Don't read too much into it. Just read.

Can I use your strips on my website/publication?

No, not without paying me. A website is a form of publication and if you want to use one of my strips on your website (or publish the current strip) then it'll cost ya. For a website with moderate traffic, I typically only charge a one-time fee of $10 per strip. This number can change depending on the popularity of the site (yes, circulation changes the price... ask any syndicate) or whether you want to use multiple strips (which will bring the "per strip" fee down). Email me for a quote.

Note that these reprint fees would typically apply to any other form of non-web publication. You are free to print out the strips and post them in your office, around the water cooler, or whatnot, but if they are going into print somewhere, you must get my permission.

Here's a grey area people have been faced with: You may use my strip on an overhead slide as part of a physics lecture for free. You may not do this without permission if the notes are printed and distributed to the students, even if the notes are given free. If the notes are free, I will probably give permission anyway, but I would like to know the details first. Sometimes class notes turn into books and people make money off of them, which isn't fair to me if my content is stolen.

What's your sign?

This questioning session is over.